If you saw our post about The Why Behind our Business, you know that we strive for our business to be about much more than pretty pictures. We want to impact marriages and make a difference in our couples’ lives. We want to be more than just wedding photographers, but an example of a successful marriage. We are nowhere near the “perfect marriage” (which by the way, there is no such thing) but we do know what has worked for us and may work for others! So this friends is where this series comes in: The Marriage Files. In this series, we share marriage advice and tips that have helped us throughout our marriage and strengthened the bond that we have. Whether it is advice that’s been given to us, or things that we found worked due to trial and error, we’re sharing all the things that edified our lives together and will hopefully help other couples strengthen their marriages as well! If you’re new to The Marriage Files, catch up with the first one here before you get started. If not, welcome back and here’s Part 3 in our series for couples and marriages! :)
The Marriage Files: Part 3
Last week we attended the CONNECT Retreat, a retreat for married couples in business together, and we returned recharged and filled with so much new knowledge that has already helped our marriage! You can see a recap of this retreat here :) Today we are sharing our third piece of advice to strengthen your marriage… Communicate! Yes, as cliche as it sounds, because lets face it, we’ve all heard it a thousand times, communication is key! But, if you aren’t communicating in a real way, you’re going to get nowhere! Here are a few tips to help make your communication with your spouse effective and meaningful…
1. Be Vulnerable
It’s so important to be real and vulnerable with your spouse. Telling them exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. Being completely honest is the only way to communicate effectively. We all are guilty of hiding some feelings from our spouse for fear of judgement. I know I have not said my feelings to Vic because I’ve been afraid he’ll think my thoughts are stupid, when that’s not the case at all! If we can’t be vulnerable with our spouses, who are we going to be vulnerable with? When speaking with your spouse don’t hide anything from them, they’re there to listen and they’re the best people to be vulnerable with.
2. Don’t Communicate When You’re Angry
The last thing you want to do is try to communicate with your spouse when you’re angry, they’re angry, or both of you are angry. You end up saying things you don’t mean and it can cause some really deep hurt in your husband or wife. I try my very best (because I’m a non-confrontational person) to not speak when I am angry. I usually take a few minutes, digest everything that was said, think about how I want to use my words, and then once I’ve calmed down I can express what I’m feeling at the moment. You should also try to chose your words carefully, there is a huge difference in saying “You are (fill in the blank)” than saying, “You make me feel (blank)” Does that make sense? In the heat of the moment you may say some hateful words, so try not to communicate when you’re feeling angry or upset.
3. Communicate the Good Things Too!
Sometimes we will only sit down and have a conversation with our spouse when we have a bad situation or are trying to resolve an issue. We only use the phrase “We need to talk” when it’s something very serious. But it’s important to communicate the good things too! Share your hopes, dreams, and vision for the future. Share new ideas or things that really inspire you. Share something new you learned! God placed you with this person to share your life with, so it important to share, not only the bad things or things that bother you, but the good things and the things that inspire you!
Whatever way you choose to communicate, I encourage you to make it a priority in your relationship. Speak your mind, in a kind and gentle way, and share your thoughts with your spouse. Be vulnerable with them and speak up about your hopes and dreams for your future together. Communicating is one of, if not the, most important aspect of any successful marriage! If you haven’t done so in a while, try to sit with your spouse and speak with them about what’s on your heart, the good and the bad, and in doing so you may just get one step closer to bettering your marriage!
